vulnerable

He defines me as beauty but my eyes still see disaster

I feel like I've gotten to the point where my scars still bleed and I see healing as merely numbness. I wonder if I really want to let go of this addiction or if I'm just fooling myself. Sometimes I just want to let go of my amazing God and grab ahold of some knife and run away from Him and I don't understand why.
I feel like the closer I get to feeling normal again, the quicker I turn around and feel like the Pharisees as whitewashed tombs in Matthew 23:27


I shouldn't doubt God as I do. He says that His words have supported those who stumbled; He have strengthened faltering. His love and protection should strengthen me, not make me want something else that I can see and feel, no matter how distructive it is. When will I learn to never falter in Christ's love He has given me?

"God cannot move on to the next work without your willingness to wipe out the remains of the last."

I don't remember who said that...but I think it's true. But I don't know how to wipe out the remains of everything. I feel bloodstained with no way to remove to traces of what I've done and gone through.


I have nothing left to do but pray.

YES!

My lover isn't leaving me! :)

Snow

This snow has got to go away.






I know how to stay warm though. :o)

Spring Cleaning

I miss being under a huge summer sky.

I love the refreshing feeling of sitting in a newly arranged, very clean room. It's so...freeing.

I think that's what I have been doing with my life the past couple weeks. I'm clearing my head of the past and starting new. Letting go of hurts and regrets and giving it all over to God to handle, turning struggles into memories to learn from.

I love new beginnings and firsts. The first class of a new semester. The first cautious honest words of someone new. The tell alls and trust of old friends, making the friendships feel new. The first day of feeling healthy after being sick. The first touch of the sunshine and breath of fresh air in the morning.

God has a way of making things new and clearing a slate. God takes my breath away. :)

“Well I just think that it all works out. And if it doesn’t, I am going to have to change my thinking...” - Cliff Spence.

The longest longing...

We are convinced that a rightly lived life must give us serenity, completion and fulfillment. Comfort means "right" and distress means "wrong". The influence of such convictions is stifling to the human spirit. Individually and collectively, we must somehow recover the truth. The truth is, we were never meant to be completely satisfied. --Gerald May

I'm finally starting to believe this truth...that I will always be longing. Because we are bound by our flesh and redeemed by the Lamb, pursuing comfort is nothing more than a chasing after the wind.But comfort, as my human nature defines it, is so enticing. Comfort as the defined by the Lord troubles me...you never what may come, be it seasons of loneliness, of persecution, of abundance, of sorrow or joy, comfort for the child of God is very different. It is volatile and fragile, unexpected and uncontollable.

Perhaps we shouldn't even use the word comfort.

Perhaps sovereign sufficiency is a better explanation of how we ought to live. That we live trusting and believing, clinging to the promise and knowledge that the Lord has mapped out our life, laid down his foundations for us to stand and live upon. And that as creator of our needs, he will provide for those exact needs, and sometimes we will be unhappy and engulfed in distress. At other times our joy and peace will be evident to all.

However, no matter where we feel we are, we must never forget he will never satisfy so much that we no longer hope for Glory. That deeply embedded distress within every soul...that is the longest longing from which there is no deliverance until Christ returns to bring us home.

you knew..

I was looking through postsecret.com today and this caught my eye.