Friday, January 25, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Two Words..
Two words were said about me this weekend, two words wich elicted two differnt responses but made for a disappointing weekend with God. "Tease" and "Loud". Neither mouths that uttered these words meant them hurtfully, its just how I responded to them, no anger here, just well, confusion and a sense of failure as a Christian woman.
"Tease." This one just shocked me. I have never even considered myself a tease because well, I figured in order for one to be a tease one must not be one the extreme side of niavete and denial when it comes to guys and relationships. So as this was brought to my attention I've tried to understand how little oblivious me could come accross as a tease and how, if I really am a tease, how do I work on not being so when I don't even know what it is I do that is "tease" worthy? (A sidenote, if any of you guys who read this have some things please tell me...this is the last thing I want to be!)
"Loud." I think this description of me will always be the baine of my exsistence. I hate hearing it in conjuction with who I am but I hear it all to often. There are so many nights where I beg God that when I wake up the next morning I will wake to find he's changed me to be the sterotypical Christian woman who is quiet, gentle, graceful and loving, kind, and so on. Not this loud, outgoing, outspoken, opinionated, strong willed brat who struggles with her tongue and is little Miss Independant. So to hear it said about me, knowing full well it was not meant to be a mean comment or anything like, it made me go back to God and almost cry. I feel like such an odd duck half the time and just wish I could be quieter and described differently...is that the first thing people notice; that I'm loud?
On a very cognitive note: Its intriguing to me how a word said by person A with an intended meaning (be it positive, negative or neutral) can be heard by person B with an unintended meaning (be it positive, negative or neutral). Us humans are quite odd...
"Tease." This one just shocked me. I have never even considered myself a tease because well, I figured in order for one to be a tease one must not be one the extreme side of niavete and denial when it comes to guys and relationships. So as this was brought to my attention I've tried to understand how little oblivious me could come accross as a tease and how, if I really am a tease, how do I work on not being so when I don't even know what it is I do that is "tease" worthy? (A sidenote, if any of you guys who read this have some things please tell me...this is the last thing I want to be!)
"Loud." I think this description of me will always be the baine of my exsistence. I hate hearing it in conjuction with who I am but I hear it all to often. There are so many nights where I beg God that when I wake up the next morning I will wake to find he's changed me to be the sterotypical Christian woman who is quiet, gentle, graceful and loving, kind, and so on. Not this loud, outgoing, outspoken, opinionated, strong willed brat who struggles with her tongue and is little Miss Independant. So to hear it said about me, knowing full well it was not meant to be a mean comment or anything like, it made me go back to God and almost cry. I feel like such an odd duck half the time and just wish I could be quieter and described differently...is that the first thing people notice; that I'm loud?
On a very cognitive note: Its intriguing to me how a word said by person A with an intended meaning (be it positive, negative or neutral) can be heard by person B with an unintended meaning (be it positive, negative or neutral). Us humans are quite odd...
To Write Love On Her Arms
www.twloha.com. Go there. Check it out. The story behind it is difficult to read but eye-opening for some perhaps.
I am so thankful for this new non-profit. One guy was confronted with the brokeness and pain of a hurting girl, a product of the fall, and instead of shrugging away in fear, disgust or ignorance he responded with love and is still responding with love. Not just for her but for so many others. Renee, the girl who inspired it, was a druggie and a cutter, and he and his friends reached out to her and are now reaching out to help others. I love this and I am so thankful for it. As one who has struggled with cutting I am overjoyed that someone is bringing out into the open and creating a place of help for those struggling, resources, and more than that a heart to love them. And to boot, the guy behind it isn't a cutter, he isn't depressed, he isn't sucidal, he's acting like Jesus, loving and doing something.
It seems all to often in secular and Christian circles cutting exsists, you know someone (whether you are aware or not) who is a cutter. Its common but silent. Its so hard to understand why someone would inflict such pain on themselves, sometimes I don't even understand it and I've been there and sometimes still have the impulse to go there again. There are psychological and physical reasons, personal stories of why and how but really the reason is spiritual. And so the best I can offer is that we see most clearly in this the great depravity of mankind. We see it in so many other arenas of life as well. And in all of these, it doesn't make sense. Our mind can't comphrend it. But our sinful nature lashes out regardless.
Please check out this new organization and do what you can to support it, check out the links, educate yourself. You never know when you will come accross someone who struggles in this area. And whatever you do, please don't recoil in disgust or confusion...love the person.
I am so thankful for this new non-profit. One guy was confronted with the brokeness and pain of a hurting girl, a product of the fall, and instead of shrugging away in fear, disgust or ignorance he responded with love and is still responding with love. Not just for her but for so many others. Renee, the girl who inspired it, was a druggie and a cutter, and he and his friends reached out to her and are now reaching out to help others. I love this and I am so thankful for it. As one who has struggled with cutting I am overjoyed that someone is bringing out into the open and creating a place of help for those struggling, resources, and more than that a heart to love them. And to boot, the guy behind it isn't a cutter, he isn't depressed, he isn't sucidal, he's acting like Jesus, loving and doing something.
It seems all to often in secular and Christian circles cutting exsists, you know someone (whether you are aware or not) who is a cutter. Its common but silent. Its so hard to understand why someone would inflict such pain on themselves, sometimes I don't even understand it and I've been there and sometimes still have the impulse to go there again. There are psychological and physical reasons, personal stories of why and how but really the reason is spiritual. And so the best I can offer is that we see most clearly in this the great depravity of mankind. We see it in so many other arenas of life as well. And in all of these, it doesn't make sense. Our mind can't comphrend it. But our sinful nature lashes out regardless.
Please check out this new organization and do what you can to support it, check out the links, educate yourself. You never know when you will come accross someone who struggles in this area. And whatever you do, please don't recoil in disgust or confusion...love the person.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Blessed?
I was thinking.
I don't need to find my fulfillment in any guy.
My God loves me passionately. He loves me intensely. He thinks the world of me.
And you too.
God is so deeply in love with you and me. He wants to be with us every second and doesn't ever get annoyed with us. Wow.
Whether you're a boy or a girl...rest in God's approval of you.
-----------------------------------
So things are kinda extremely sucky right now.
I'm having such a hard time finding something to speak about on stage tomorrow at HisStories...
I know I'm blessed...I just don't feel it right now.
I don't need to find my fulfillment in any guy.
My God loves me passionately. He loves me intensely. He thinks the world of me.
And you too.
God is so deeply in love with you and me. He wants to be with us every second and doesn't ever get annoyed with us. Wow.
Whether you're a boy or a girl...rest in God's approval of you.
-----------------------------------
So things are kinda extremely sucky right now.
I'm having such a hard time finding something to speak about on stage tomorrow at HisStories...
I know I'm blessed...I just don't feel it right now.
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